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APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless
accompanied by a complete financial statement, school history, job history,
ancestral lineage, photo ID, DMV printout, a current medical report and drug
test results from your doctor, and three references. A processing fee of
$64.00 (cash only – non refundable) must also be included. NAME
__________________________________ DAYTIME PHONE NUMBER __________________ HOME ADDRESS
_________________________ SUBURB ___________________ DATE OF BIRTH
___________ HEIGHT/WEIGHT ______ HAIR COLOR & LENGTH ___________ TFN #
____________________ DRIVERS LICENSE ___________________________ IQ _________ GPA
___________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES _______________________ Do you have ONE male
and ONE female parent? Yes _____ No _____ If NO, please explain
____________________________________________________________________ Number of years they
have been married: _____ If less than your age,
explain ______________________________________________________________ Do you own or have
access to: A panel van? Yes _____
No _____ If yes, does it have a
mattress in the back? Yes _____ No _____ A 4WD or car with
oversized tires? Yes _____ No _____ A waterbed? Yes _____
No _____ A condom? Yes _____ No
_____ Pornography? Yes _____
No _____ A motorbike? Yes _____
No _____ Do you have an earring,
nose ring, belly button ring, or tattoo? Yes _____ No _____ If you answered YES to any of the above questions,
DISCONTINUE application – no need to re-apply. In 50 words or less,
what does LATE mean to you? (please attach) In 50 words or less, what
does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER, mean to you? (please attach) In 50 words or less,
what does ABSTINENCE mean to you? (please attach) Church you attend
_______________________________ How often? ___________________________ What was the reason
your last girlfriend dumped you? _________________________________________ When would be the best
time to interview your:
Answer the following by
filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A: If I were shot, the
last place I would want to be shot would be:_______________________________ B: If I were beaten, the
last bone I would want broken is my: ____________________________________ C: A woman's place is
in the: _____________________________________________________________ D: The one thing I hope
this application does not ask me about is: ________________________________ E: When I meet a girl,
the first thing I notice is her: ____________________________________________ NOTE: If answer E begins
with T or A, discontinue. Leaving premises while keeping your head low and
running in a serpentine fashion is strongly advised. F: What is the current
going rate of a hotel room? _____________________________________________ G: The drug store sells
condoms in packages of (circle one): A: 3 B: 6 C: 9 D: 12 E: I don’t know because
I buy them in bulk quantities from the manufacturer. H: The last girl that I
dated had a bra that used: A: 1 hook B: 2 hooks C: 3 hooks D: a snap in the front
and was easy to remove. I: My car or truck is
equipped with the following (check all that apply): ___ A very large &
wide front (or rear) bench seat ___ Front buckets seats
that fold down flat ___ A gun rack ___ A V8 engine with
over 300 horsepower ( Best 1/4 mile time: ________ ) ___ A 6000 watt stereo that
is louder that most jet planes J: What do you want to
do IF you grow up? __________________________________________________ I
SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST
OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, CHINESE WATER TORTURE
,CRUCIFIXION, CASTRATION, ELECTROCUTION, RED HOT POKERS, AND JOHN HOWARD KISS
TORTURE. ____________________________________________ Signature (that means sign your name, moron) ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thank you for your interest in my daughter. Please allow four to six years for processing. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't,
and it would cause you injury) while waiting for processing. If your application is approved, you will be contacted
in writing. We will then schedule a pre-date meeting with my daughter, myself, and the
armed, off-duty police officers who will tail you during the date. On
the evening of the date, please arrive at least 30 minutes early so that your auto may
be searched and a final urine sample taken. If your application is rejected, you will be notified
by two gentleman wearing black shirts and white ties carrying violin cases
(you might want to watch your back). All decisions are final but you may reapply in 50 years. --------------------- DO NOT MARK BELOW THIS LINE - OFFICIAL USE
ONLY ----------------------- Final judgment & disposition: Approved _____ Rejected _____ Kill Him ______ |